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Fact or Fiction: All-Aceto Edition

By: Ryan Gibbons & Kurt Willette, Middle Management

Posted: Oct 31, 2014

PLOT TWIST!!!

Nick suggested that Aceto had been getting off light in previous editions of Fact or Fiction. We took the the criticism to heart and decided to do an all-Nick Wood edition instead this week. Never go against a fellow GM, Nick.

Jimmy Clausen Jimmy Clausen delivered the keynote at this year's job fair for former Chickens draft picks

Nick would be successful as an owner.

Kurt: FICTION. Nick's derisive attitude and history of losing bonnet bets would make him a bad owner or politician.

Ryan: FICTION. Nick's got the temperament of a second banana, not a leader of men. In a lot of ways, he reminds me of Milton from Office Space - I hear he's quite partial to a red stapler himself. Rather than listen to it from me, let's hear it in Nick's own words from his "Open Letter to the YFFL":

"I drafted Aceto in the YFL draft and put him in a position where he was basically underused on the bottom-dwelling Crusaders. Our West Coast offense was not a good fit for him, he was frustrated with losing week in and week out, and Steve Dugas was in our backfield. Aceto, I am not going to deny it, I made a managerial mistake here..."

There you have it. Nick Wood admits Nick Wood can't run a franchise, folks.

Nick is overrated as a skeeball player and his Little League career pales in comparison to Aceto's.

Kurt: FACT. Unless you like to see roll after roll for 10 points, Nick is a painful-to-watch skeeballer (think Mr. Burns in Pinpals). Although I didn't play little league in Yarmouth, I can only assume Aceto, being the standup likeable guy that he is, must have been a better Little Leaguer and undoubtedly a better teammate.

Ryan: FACT. FACT. Kurt's already covered ol' 10 points and his skeeball skill, so I'll tackle Little League. Aceto was the cornerstone of the Firemen franchise, and everything you could want in an American kid. Versatile, gritty, and the effort to match. On the other hand, Nick was the kid that had it all but never put it together, and a big reason the Steelers had to be taken over by the other owners of Yarmouth Little League. To bring one more sport into this, think of him as the Michael Beasley of Yarmouth Little League - all the gifts and all the unrealized potential. Another ignominious story from Nick's own fingers in his Open Letter to the YFFL:

"I struck out Mike [Kinsman] in the bottom of the 6th with the bases loaded to preserve the 1-0 victory for the Steelers. We all know that Mike is a fierce competitor; so fierce in fact that he was brought to tears by the result of the game. But, I hope that Mike realizes that he was a 9 year old in the Major Little Leagues."

A 12 year old picking on 9 year olds? Stay classy Nick...

Ryan Pasquale "That's true."

Nick is a bad drafter.

Kurt: FACT. Nick makes his bones ripping off Gibbs and Sansone in one-sided trades, not on draft day.

Ryan: FACT. And that trade is finally looking close to even, so can it Kurt, or you're up next. On the subject of Nick's drafting, just count up the Chickens that washed out of the league. I will give credit to Nick for being so relentless with his ridiculous trade offers that he's worn down numerous trade partners, but he can't draft his way out of one of Steve's Shop 'n' Save bags.

Sligo Road is the worst road in Yarmouth.

Kurt: FICTION, but only because of Tyler Richards' barn.

Ryan: FICTION, but only because of Ryan Pasquale.

Nick Kjeldgaard > Nick Wood.

Kurt: FACT. The Reptilian helps make summers more comfortable by eating all the black flies and masquitos in your backyard. A better comparison and harder question to answer would be Nick Wood vs. Ms. Pate.

Ryan: FACT. This one has a lot to do with the geography of Nick Kjeldgaard's childhood home being on the Clam Fest parade route and Nick Wood's being in Pownal, but Kjeldgaard is also better at sports. And Skeeball.