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Sea Dog Old Gollywobbler Brown Ale Hot Seat: Mike Kinsman

Kevin Sansone

By: Kevin Sansone, Senior Stat Boy

Posted: Oct 07, 2006

Sea Dog Old Gollywobbler Brown Ale Hot Seat

The Sea Dog Old Gollywobbler Brown Ale Hot Seat currently receives the 4th most readership on YFFL.com. Because of this large audience, Jon and I feel that the Hot Seat is an excellent way for YFFL opinions to be heard. With this in mind, we present the rawest Hot Seat to date. In a rare public interview, Mike Kinsman opens up about Randy Moss, quarterback drafting, and of course Steve Dugas. The following interview is unedited and is not appropriate for children under the age of 20.

Kevin: Mike Kinsman, you are now on the the Sea Dog Old Gollywobbler Brown Ale Hot Seat.

Mike: Thanks, Kevin. I'm so excited for this. I'm like R. Kelly at recess.

Mike and a Handle
Have you seen Mike and Randy Moss in the same place at the same time?

Kevin: T.O. is without a doubt the most outspoken player on your roster(s). Which one of these figures do you most identify with: Owens, agent Drew Rosenhaus, or publicist Kim Etheridge?

Mike: T.O. I like to stir the pot in this league and air out the dirty laundry. To expand upon this question, one person I feel like I most identify with is Randy Moss. Randy just wants to win and score touchdowns. Isn't that what we all want from our YFFL teams? He also wants to bang chicks with low self esteem...I would like to do the same. Randy is quite a smart guy actually. He was the first to realize that Daunte Culpepper actually sucks.

Kevin: Mike, You are the runaway leader of this week's YFFL.com Poll Question. In your opinion, who is the most difficult owner to trade with?

Mike: I am glad to see that Steve has logged onto every computer that Scott Dugas owns to answer this question. My selection is Steven Dugas. Steve has been offering the worst trades since he got burned on his Donte Stallworth trade last year. He isn't a risk taker. I would like to provide a paper trail of the last few weeks during Steve's attempt to acquire a quarterback from me:

Email #1 September 19th 12:12pm

mike i obviously cannot count on culpepper yet to consistently score double digits for the merry men, i would really be interested in trading for rivers or Brees possibly carr if the deal is right, let me know what it would seriously take to get you to move one of these players if possible broken down by individual player, ive got some players and im always willing to deal away draft picks. also if you could trade me the magic td potion for running backs the mallards would be interested in acquiring it,

steve
Wrestlemania VIII

Usually in any negotiation, I would like an offer if one confronts me with wanting a trade. So the next email outlines what Steve offered:

Email #2 September 27th 12:10pm

since i really dont know if you even have any intention making a deal with me (for all i know you are just stringing me along) this will be my last attempt, after that ill just go with what i have.

Merry Men Receive: Drew Brees and conditional draft pick Chickens Receive: 2007 first round pick and conditional draft pick

conditional draft pick stipulations: If Drew Brees reaches certain performance based criteria the Chickens would receive a lottery protected 2008 first round pick (as in if the Merry Men are drafting in the top 3 they have the option of keeping the pick and giving the Chickens their next available 1st rounder (could also be a pick they picked from another deal) whether in 2008 or 2009) This second first round pick would only be received if Drew Brees exceeds 122 points in 2006 (as in he needs to score 100 more points this season) or exceeds 140 points in 2007...(to reach these point totals Brees need not be starting, if i was to bench him for a match up reason he could still accumulate his points, they just have to be accrued during the YFFL regular season, weeks 1-13...........if this stipulation was to kick in the Chickens would need to throw in a second round draft pick (it wouldnt matter if it was the chickens or another teams, but would have to be tossed in by the 2008 draft.....

well i hope this is creative enough for you, let me know what you think.

steve

Could we have the poll question for next week be the following: "How many YFFL owners would have read the entire email above? If so, what would your reaction have been?"

  1. Laugh
  2. Perplexed
  3. Angry
  4. Biked to Toy Land to buy a Vernon Davis starting lineup

Kevin: Do the Chickens and Huskers have the most underappreciated rivalry since Angela and Pam on The Office?

Mike: I believe the Chickens and the Huskers have one of the best rivalries in this league. Although there's not enough trash talking between us Kevin, our rivalry is great. I never want to see a loss from the Huskers on the Chicken's docket. This past week was a great game. I knew, for some reason, that the Chickens were going to pull it off.

I'm currently in Los Angeles watching Survivor with one of the people on the show, Ozzie. I asked Oscar, Ozzie's real name, how it was being on that fucking island with all of those crazy mother fuckers... He simply replied with, "It's a doggy dog world, man. I took my food where I could get it and made my friends close and my enemies closer." I would like to think that the close win this past week felt better being close and coming down to the last night rather than winning by a few touchdowns. I took my points (food) where I could get it...and that's from the future league MVP Donovan McNabb.

Speaking of Donovan, I have had my fair share of celebrity sightings. Other than the jerk-off from Survivor, I sat next to the one and only Stevie Wonder on the plane. Stevie, who obviously can't see, was with some other black celeb that I couldn't pinpoint. He looked like Richard Pryor, but wasn't...maybe because Richard Pryor is dead...anyway, I said "Hello" to Stevie after finishing my plane snack pack (that I wasted four dollars on) and Stevie, with a gaping smile, said "Hello" back. Without thinking, I was watching NFL highlights on the TV in the headrest and McNabb's highlights from Monday night came on. I said aloud, "Man, did you see that game? McNabb is sick!" Stevie, still with a big smile said, "Hey man, you talking to me?"

Kevin: How white is Kurt Warner?

Mike: Kurt Warner is worthless. I hate him. I was thinking about giving him to someone for free, but then I thought about how Steve gave away Drew Bledsoe...

I would still bone Kurt's wife, though. She does have a chick chowing hair cut, but oh well...she must give skull like the kindergarten teacher!

Bigger Butt Chin?

Kevin: Who has the bigger butt chin: Buddies kicker Kris Brown, or Bobby Sansone?

Mike: Definitely Bobby Sansone. His chin only seems to help Bob in the lady department. He has hooked up with one of the hottest girls in Portland (the kindergarten teacher) and he made me even more jealous by stating that this girl gave him the best skull he has ever received. Don't make love Bob...keep taking love...

Kevin: Kids today love making up a nickname using a person's first initial and part of a last name a la K-Fed. Who has the better nickname from your teams? Kicker Joe Nedney (J-Ned), QB Kurt Warner (K-War), or RB Kevan Barlow (K-Bar)?

Mike: Well K-San, I think J-Ned is pretty sweet. I thought kickers should be completely removed from the league until I heard how upset Steve was over kickers scoring 15 plus points against him in the first couple of weeks of the season. After finding out that this was the biggest frustration of Steve's for weeks, I was not sad about kickers being in starting lineups. Also J-Ned is the kicker for my Niners team that I started a Madden franchise with in the new Madden for Xbox 360. Kicking is so fucking tough in that game, so Nedney sucks balls... Nevertheless, J-Ned will be my starting kicker in the YFFL, K-San.

Ryan Delaney
The next YFFL owner?

Kevin: If you could choose an outsider to take over a YFFL team, who would it be?

Mike: That's an easy one, K-San. I would like to keep it in the neighborhood...where the YFFL was born. I would want a fierce competitor, someone who doesn't like to lose. Someone that is not from the other side of the tracks and enjoys to see one of his teams continuously lose year after year. My selection would be Ryan Delaney. Delaney would bring a type of swagger to the message board. A great example is an email I received just a couple hours ago from Mr. Delaney:

Friday October 6, 2006 9:26am est

Remember that time you mashed into Evon's mailbox going 40 mph in reverse up Autumn Lane.....when I was backing out of my spot this morning, that's the first thing I thought of....

Ryan Delaney
Account Executive
ClearChannel Outdoor - Boston Division
89 Maple St, Stoneham, MA 02180
(781) 438-8880 Office
(781) 760-0493 Cell
(781) 279-1493 Fax

Although Delaney never shared his Flintstones push pops with anyone on the Bottoms Up baseball field, he is the type of spark-plug this league would do nicely with.

Kevin: The YFFL has Chris "Tight End Drafter" Davidson, Steve "Running Back Drafter" Dugas, Kevin "4th String WR Drafter" Sansone, and Jon "Minnesota Backup Tight End Drafter" Kinsman. You are clearly known as "Quarterback Drafter" and you have taken a lot of criticism for passing up skill players in the draft. What would you say to your critics?

Mike: I would like to tell all of my critics out there that quarterbacks are the backbone of this league. A great/good quarterback can win you 5-6 games on his own. Everyone is so running back happy that they pass on great quarterbacks. You need to let them sit for a couple of years, but be patient, they will get better. I'll sit on many of my quarterbacks and roll the dice, with probability in my favor, that one or two of my young quarterbacks will be studs. Once this happens, which I hope it will, I will get a Peyton Manning type of deal. I'm not saying that Young, Rivers or Smith will be a Peyton Manning type of player, but if one becomes a McNabb, Brady or Hasselbeck, it will be well worth the pick and marination on my end.

Kevin: By picking up Desmond Clark off the Waiver Wire in Week 3 you inadvertently helped me defeat the White Guys. How did it feel helping the Huskers win and causing Aceto to lose?

Ryan Gibbons
Summa Fun has been sent back through time to take shots and kick ass...and he's all out of shots

Mike: I feel like I got the better player out of the deal. Sometimes that's just the way that the cookie crumbles... Im glad Aceto lost because Aceto is a loser. Actually, I take that one back. Aceto is having a great year! He's an active man in the YFFL. He's making trades and he had a great draft. Ever since he lost his virginity to Lindsay Nickerson during a Patriots game I knew that he would have a weakness for drafting Patriots players. It always brings him back to that mid Sunday afternoon where he had 15 seconds of glory. Yet, he did trade away a Patriot this year to yours truly...could this mean there's a whole different Aceto at the helm?

Kevin: Other than Steve, Jon, and yourself, who would you most like to see on the Hot Seat next week?

Mike: One person I would like to see in the hot seat is former owner Ryan Gibbons. How has life without the YFFL been for Ryan? Does he know that Nick Wood has offered money to buy a franchise? Would he have sold his franchise? What made him want to name his teams the Goof Troop Gorgs and the Fireflies? Is Liam really gay? Have you ever walked in on him on another dude?

Kevin: Mike Kinsman, you are off The Sea Dog Old Gollywobbler Brown Ale Hot Seat.

Mike: Thanks K-San.