With the first week of the 2015 season in the books, Ryan and Kurt are back to make declarative statements in a series we like to call Fact or Fiction.
The YFFL podcast is a success.
Ryan: FACT? I mean, what's the max audience on this thing? 11? And that's if the two hosts are also fans. Anyway, I think probably 80% of the target demo is listening, but again, that's less people than are in the Belisle family. I guess what I'm saying is that a Belisle family podcast would probably be rated higher in the iTunes store, especially if Steve can't step up his story game. Hey Steve, we all like pretend football, but we also like other stuff, like that harrowing walnut anecdote. Oh and would it kill you to write an original opening theme song?!?! Maybe Kurt and Bri can record a freestyle about podcasts dedicated to pretend football leagues and you can use that.
Kurt: FACT. These guys have the chemistry of Mike Myers and Kanye West on a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser. That said I have thoroughly enjoyed the podcast but certainly there is room for improvement. I suggest a 2 minute segment called "Mike's Rant" where he can make fun of the hosts and add some color to league events.
The Beans will make the playoffs.
Ryan: FICTION. The team looks pretty good on paper, and the Carlos Hyde coming out party was fun for everyone after he spent what I assume was around a decade behind Frank Gore, but Mariota won't be scoring 4 TDs in 3 quarters every week. If he gets hurt (and you only need to look to the 4th string QB on this team for the cautionary tale of the mobile signal caller that can't stay healthy after an electric start) then the Beans are in trouble. If Lewis turns into something, this will be a tough team to face this year whether or not they make the playoffs.
Kurt: FICTION. Despite all the reassuring texts Steve sends Bobby throughout the week telling him how great the Beans are, this team is going to have a hard time overtaking the Brothers and the Chickens this year. Nick's team is looking like an AARP convention, but although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, they can still serve a purpose.
The Chickens will actually make a trade this year.
Ryan: FICTION. They won't make a trade but it won't be because of a supposed "embargo". The real issue with the Chickens is that half the league has given into Nick's constant badgering and done a bad deal and won't trade with him anymore, and the other half doesn't trade with anyone. Kudos to Nick on his hostile negotiation skills, but he's gotta move away from his current M.O. When he starts by offering Anquan Boldin for 3 1st round picks and a night with your wife, it doesn't appear he's acting in good faith.
Kurt: FACT. Nick's persistence has often been compared to water boarding and sleep deprivation. Eventually you meet your breaking point and give him what he wants. Nick's team ought to be in contention this year and it makes sense for him to try and acquire a consistent scoring WR to bolster his chances.
The Llamas can contend without a top tier QB.
Ryan: FACT. Kurt will probably disagree, but I think the Llamas will be okay most weeks with a 12 from Bridgewater and/or Winston if it comes to that. There looks to be enough consistent scoring up and down the roster with Bell that the Llamas can compete with a so-so QB. What we can't have is any more MF'ing zeros. If the Vikes play like that again the Llamas will no longer be wearing their purple alternate road jerseys.
Kurt: FICTION. I even picked the Llamas (foolishly) to win the YFFL this year getting caught up in the hype like Bri at the quarter game at the Clam Festival in 1998, losing his hard-earned Estabrook's salary on a pipe dream and a chance that a ball in a miniature wrestling ring might settle on orange and pay him 7-1 on his 25 cents. Look, this Llamas team is immensely talented but I just don't see consistent scoring out of the QB position on this team and I think that is going to hurt their chances of winning their division and ultimately contending this year.
Mike should begin shedding aging assets to expedite the rebuilding process for the Buddies.
Ryan: FACT. Really, the answer is, "who knows?" One minute Peyton looks like he'd have a hard time in Ms. Pachuta's flag football unit in gym class, and the next minute he has 2 scores. Drafting White was the perfect move for this team though - rostering a guy with great talent that never would have been drafted that low without the injury. If I were Mike, I'd probably get rid of Peyton for some younger guys or draft picks, and maybe try to move Sproles with the same goal. I know he'd rather grind out 6 games than tank, but sooner or later you gotta start rebuilding and you don't want to be stuck in no-man's land. Yes, there's probably too much hype around rookies and young guys versus veterans, but unfortunately you can't sign a big ticket free agent vet in the YFFL offseason or pick up Aaron Rodgers in the draft. Mike should pack it in this year and focus on calling into the Steve and Bobby podcast every week to berate them for ignoring the Chickens.
Kurt: FACT. The problem with this Buddies team is it looks like Mike raided Steve's Shop N Save bag from last season. This team needs to build for the future and shedding assets is the fastest way to not drag it out over several years. There are numerous contenders who could benefit from Peyton Manning and I also think Greg Olsen would garner value in the trade market. Other than that, it's time to get a new bag and start wandering around Steve's yard looking for gems.