2015 GM Mock Draft 1.0

Nick Wood & Kurt Willette, Owner Pro Tempores

September 02, 2015

With just hours to go until the Most Important Draft in YFFL History™ and Steve taking deep breaths into a paper bag, GMs Nick Wood and Kurt Willette stepped in to deliver a totally necessary fourth mock draft.

Amari Cooper Amari Cooper will be keeping close tabs on to see where he ends up on Thursday night

1. Beans - QB Marcus Mariota (TEN)

Nick: The thought of Kirk Cousins starting is quite enticing, but it looks as though Bobby is going to finally attempt to address the Beans long-term with the selection of a franchise QB. Gurley is on the top of many people's draft boards, but with his injury concerns combined with the fact that RBs are a dime a dozen who may never pan out in the first place, he opts for the safer route. Rumors are swirling that Bobby's biggest hurdle is that he's against all of the different uniform combinations that Mariota may request for the Beans as it is something he's accustomed to with the Oregon Ducks. Bob, just remember that most successful fantasies involve going outside of your comfort zone.

2. White Guys - WR Amari Cooper (OAK)

Kurt: Aceto looks solidified at QB especially if Bradford finally stays healthy. Aceto could also go RB here, but with AP back and an aging WR corps, I think Aceto takes the only wideout who is a lock this year and in years to come to put up fantasy relevant points. Paring Cooper with Bradford and AP likely puts the White Guys in the mix this season to have an outside shot at making the playoffs - that is, until Bradford snaps his knee in half.

If Aceto is confident Gurley is going to heal and be the stud everyone thinks he's going to be, this would also be a very smart pick. It would likely yield an average season for the White Guys in which another top end pick could solidify them for a strong push in 2016.

3. Llamas - RB Todd Gurley (STL)

Nick: Let's just take a second and look at all of the players taken recently at #3 overall in the YFFL Draft and see if we notice a trend:

2014 - Bishop Sankey: Arguably the weakest Bishop out there

2013 - Christine Michael: With a male first name of Christine, doomed to fail

2012 - Trent Richardson: Ouch, sorry Kurt

2010 - Jahvid Best: Out of the league and resorting to make his living by suing the league and the helmet maker

2009 - Beanie Wells: Also resorting to lawsuits to make his living, currently suing surgeon for fraud and malpractice

The #3 overall pick I left out of the sequence was AJ Green in 2001. He's a WR and all of the other picks were RBs. But Gibby, the 6th time is the charm for a RB to work out at this pick, right? I'd argue that if Cooper does not go #2 overall, you could scoop him up as opposed to going with the "RB at #3 curse".

Melvin Gordon Melvin Gordon's confusion over which end of the helmet to put his head into has had him sliding down draft boards

4. Merry Men - WR Nelson Agholor (PHI)

Kurt: I don't predict this pick based on who I think Steve should take, but who I think he would take. The smart play for Steve would be to go Melvin Gordan or CJ Anderson here, but like a junky with a hot spoon, Steve can't resist his addiction to wide receivers. He returns to his old form and drafts a receiver that has caused him to question his sexuality all preseason.

5. Merry Men - RB Melvin Gordon (SD)

Nick: As much as Steve wants to take CJ Anderson here, he knows it never pays off to be reliant upon a particular NFL team's running and passing games and he would have that with Anderson and Demaryius Thomas if he went that route. As soon as Steve makes the selection of Gordon to improve his backfield, he frantically begins to try and find a way to get yet another first round draft pick for either the Mallards or the Merry Men as his infatuation with this draft class has him wanting more and more. I can already hear his Rainman-like pacing around his house as he contemplates taking Jameis or CJ Anderson with his Mallards pick next... Or will he find a way to get both??? "Becky, QUICK! Get me my rolodex and calling cards, I need to place a call to the Chicago area to talk to the Brothers! Do you have to dial '9' before calling someone on their cellphone?!?!?!" To which Becky replies: "Brothers? Steve, there are beef jerky wrappers and Diet Snapple bottles everywhere around the house, what's going on? I think the girls and I are bringing the dogs over to my parents house tonight, you're scaring us."

6. Mallards - RB CJ Anderson (DEN)

Kurt: Steve feels good about the strength of his team and after much angst over whether to draft Anderson or Winston, he ultimately goes with the guy who helps make him a contender this year. Of course, this is far too logical to ever come to fruition as Steve's own mock draft has him taking Anderson here and we all know Steve's mock drafts are nothing but a specious front that allows Steve to subtly manipulate the other owners and GMs into overvaluing players he doesn't want and undervaluing players he does want. That said, the hype train on Anderson has been strong and constant this offseason, leading me to believe Steve is legitimately high on Anderson and provided he stays healthy, this is a solid pick by Steve.

7. Brothers - RB Ameer Abdullah (DET)

Nick: Bri goes for the best player available and still believes his team is built to win NOW. Despite the season ending injury to Jordy Nelson that would lead us all to believe he's taking either a WR or planning for the future at QB with Famous-Jameis, Bri puts the gas pedal to the floor. At this point in the draft, it kind of makes sense to go this route as the WRs remaining are all surrounded with question marks. Plus, Jameis came into Bri's office for a sit down and he mistakenly asked how business was in the garden center he runs at Home Depot. Home Depot!??!? He was immediately escorted out and asked to keep his hands off of any and all of his female staff in the garden center.

Ameer Abdullah Steve may let Ameer Abdullah slide by in Round 1 due to fear of too many Lions, but will he be able to pass on Roary the Lion in Round 2?

8. Poop - WR Kevin White (CHI)

Kurt: With the Poop all set at QB, a mediocre receiving corps and an overall talent pool insufficient for real contention, The B.E.D. does the smart thing here and takes the best player left in the draft even though he will be out this season. At 6'3" with lightning speed, White has all the tools to be a stud receiver in years to come. Additionally Bri will be able to keep a close eye on White and his rehab progress in Chicago. The only drawback is if White has any setbacks and Bri loses his temper in a fit of rage. Visions of Bri being hauled out of the Athletico rehab facility yelling at White, “hurry up and get back on the field and help the Poop!" are all too possible and scary. In which case, Bri does the sensible thing and takes a player in another city like TJ Yeldon or Devante Parker.

9. Refugees - QB Jameis Winston (TB)

Nick: Aceto will quietly draft Winston, aim to find a prospect RB and WR to add some depth, turn the lights off and exit the Refugees front office until 2016.

10. Buddies - WR Devante Parker (MIA)

Kurt: This Buddies roster is hanging on by a Peyton Manning neck tendon. The Buddies should pack it in this year and start adding some pieces to rebuild. Parker is the best player left in the draft and even though he's currently injured, a slow start for him only helps further secure a top pick next year which he's going to need in order to add a QB. I also think TJ Yeldon would be a good pick for this team, but with what appears to be the reemergence of Doug Martin, WR is more pressing.

11. Eaters - RB TJ Yeldon (JAX)

Nick: Now, I don't think he'll really be available here, but if he is Kurt, you best act quickly. The Eaters have arguably the best WR corps, but need a major upgrade at the RB position and this would go a long ways towards improving that. Yeldon plays in Jacksonville, a place once thought of as where first rounders disappear as fast as retired people go to pasture, but not any longer. I'd argue (hope and pray) that the Jags are a year or two away from being NFL playoff contenders who will put points on the board. Even though I could see why people would let Yeldon fall this far, Kurt should snap him up at this point faster than you bug out of the house in the morning to avoid kid duties. Plus, the Chickens already have Bortles and I'd like to not be able to take him at #12 because of that.

12. Chickens - WR Philip Dorsett (IND)

Kurt: If the former #29 overall pick in the NFL draft is still available, Nick snatches him without a second thought. This of course after trying to trade this pick to Gibbs for 3 future #1 picks, Demarco Murray and the rights to his packed lunch for the next 2 weeks.

13. Merry Men - RB Tevin Coleman (ATL)

Nick: I'm simply not writing much of a comment because we've talked about Steve enough to the point of creepiness.

Stumptavian Roboclick Was Bobby's podcast "mystery man" revealed in this mock draft? That's just one of the many subplots as we head into Draft Night.

14. Dragons - WR Devin Funchess (CAR)

Kurt: This pick is not the one Jon wants to make, but the one he's forced to make. Jon has the talent to win now and he can't afford to take Perriman who's the better long-term prospect because Perriman is injured with no timetable for his return. Additionally, with the steep learning curve for rookies, he likely will be buried on the depth chart this year even when he's healthy. The other option for Jon is taking Jaelen Strong with this pick, but with the better QB in Carolina and the Kelvin Benjamin injury moving Funchess up the depth chart, Jon goes with the points this year and Funchess.

15. Boys - WR Jaelen Strong (HOU)

Nick: Kurt has noted Chris' affinity for HBO's Hard Knocks and with the show comes early hype for rookies on the team HBO follows in the preseason. Strong could easily be overlooked for the Texans weak QB situation, but his solid production in the early going has him in clear focus. The only other logical choice for Davidson here would be Maxx Williams as he's routinely had crushes on tight ends of the male variety.

16. Llamas - WR Dorial Green-Beckham (TEN)

Kurt: Gibbs needs a backup QB and with nothing enticing on the board, he takes the player with the most potential and pushes QB needs to the 2nd Round or makes a deal mid-season (careful Gibbs) with his stacked roster. DGB might end up being the best WR in this class, but with a lot of question marks and not much shown in the preseason, he's a big risk, but one Gibbs can take with all the pieces he already has. Another option for Gibbs is adding the best TE in the draft in Maxx Williams, assuming Davidson doesn't trade up after hearing the podcast to get Bobby's #1 pick in order to take him.