Postcards from Camp: Apple Eaters

Bobby Sansone, Senior Writer

July 31, 2012

Postcards from Camp


It's 3:00am and Chris stumbles into his apartment holding an empty box of Franzia. He can't find the light switch and trips over a Dyson vacuum cleaner that hasn't been used in months. He feels his way down the hallway. He stops to collect himself before he enters the bedroom.

It's been a tough fall from grace for Chris Davidson. In his heyday he was winning back-to-back YFFL Super Bowls, a back-up dancer in several music videos of the popular '90s boy band group 98 Degrees and captain of his intramural softball team at Easter Nazarene College.

Chris gathers himself and enters the bedroom prepared to get an earful from his roommate Kurt. He collects himself, but the urine stain on his shorts is a dead giveaway.

"Dude, it's Tuesday night. This is the fifth straight night you've finished a box of Franzia! You can't keep doing this! I'm tired of this Bert and Ernie living situation. We need our own rooms!" Kurt yells out to Chris.

"C'mon man. I'm trying. I'll find work. And I have a great idea for this Christian rap group..."

"No! No more Christian rap groups! You've already tried that three times! No one wants to hear about you slinging Caffeine Free Diet Coke on the campus of ENC!" Kurt exclaims.

"Hey man. I'm up to 14 downloads on iTunes. I think that track could potentially be the 2012 Summer Jam. Bri even plugged it on his Facebook Wall," Chris says as he removes his urine-soaked shorts.

Summer Jam

"Aw man, you're not wearing any underwear...have you been partying with the DiRobbio brothers again?" Kurt asks.

"Man, those guys are a good time. When are they coming back down to party?" Chris asks as he begins to spoon Kurt.

"What the hell! Get in your own bed, man!" Kurt screams as he jumps out of bed. "Dude, you need to get your life back together! You need to focus on something. Are you ready for the upcoming YFFL season?"

"Damn, that reminds me. I have 77 unread emails from Steve in my inbox. The guy is relentless. He wants me to give you control of one of my teams," Chris says as he crawls into his own bed with a Kirby Puckett poster hanging over it.

"Maybe it's time a go ahead and do just that..." Chris says right before he passes out.

Will he remember that sentiment when he wakes up?


Michael Vick, Ben Tate, Reggie Bush, Antonio Brown, Vincent Jackson, Kellen Winslow, Dan Carpenter, Draft Pick


The Eaters are coming off yet another underwhelming season but there were a few bright spots. Ben Tate established himself as a breakout fantasy star and is one Arian Foster groin injury away from exploding. Meanwhile, Antonio Brown emerged in front of Emmanuel Sanders as the next great Steelers' WR. With Hines Ward retired and Mike Wallace unhappy with his contract situation, expect great things from Brown this season. The Eaters own the highly coveted third pick in the upcoming draft which could land Chris/Kurt RGIII or even Trent Richardson. Ultimately Chris needs an excellent draft in order to complete for the Wild Card.


5-8; 505 Points; Third Place AFC West