2011 AFC East Preview

Ryan Gibbons, Bye Week Fill-In

September 19, 2011

Since Bobby was too busy telling everyone about his world championship and perfecting his Dwayne Bowe flex pose all offseason (I'm so glad that picture is off the front page of the site), he didn't get around to doing a preview for The Most Thrilling Division in All the Land™, the American Conference East. I was planning to be outraged when he picked the back-to-back-to-back-to-back division champion (that's 4 backs, by the way) Hoochie Llamas to miss the playoffs, but I guess I'll have to direct my outrage toward the fact that he didn't even care enough to write a preview. See you in Week 3, holmes. (I'm probably not hard enough to use that word since I looked up whether the spelling was "homes" or "holmes.") On to the preview!

Team Capsules

Hoochie Llamas

Drew Brees

New year, same situation for the Llamas. Drew Brees, Andre Johnson, a TE out of nowhere, and a bunch of question marks. On the bright side, Kenny Britt looks like he might be ready to make the leap, giving Andre Johnson a worthy sidekick. And it looks like the Human Bowling Ball, Mike Tolbert, may be more than a one year fix at RB. If this team can stay healthy, it could be a breakthrough year, as evidenced by the 77 points in Week 1 without the services of a kicker (what is a Stupid Kicker doing trying to make a tackle???). On the downside, it's Week 2 and Kaeding is gone for the year, last year's surprise Amendola is out at least a month, and Lee Evans is still on the roster. There are also 2 Redskin QBs on the roster.

Projected Record: 8-5

Cuban Refugees

Chris Johnson

The Refugees are the team everyone loves to hate, Llamas front office included. I've held a grudge for being thrown out of the league close to two decades, and losing a shootout to Aceto in the first round of last year's playoffs was a real onion in the ointment, as Abe Simpson would say (that's mainly for you Kev). This will be a dangerous team that brings back a loaded backfield and a star receiver in Hakeem Nicks. Despite having 4 QBs on the roster, this position will be a question mark for the team all year. I am fairly confident, however, that the answer to that question will not be "Donovan McNabb." If MJD and Nicks can stay healthy, this team will once again be dangerous despite the hole at QB. Ultimately I think the QB issue will be this team's undoing.

Projected Record: 7-6

Bear Poop

Tom Brady

The Poop are constructed a lot like the Llamas - star QB, strong passing game, and a patched together run game. Brady can carry this team to a win by himself, and he'll have to for the Poop to succeed this year. Having two Packers in the lineup week after week will definitely help too. Ultimately though, Ryan Grant and the rest of the Island of Misfit Running Backs will be too much for this team to overcome.

Projected Record: 7-6

Asian Orangutangs

Tony Romo

As a two-time runner up in the Frank H. Harrison Middle School spelling bee, the misspelling of "Orangutan" is my biggest issue with this team. Unfortunately, there are also issues with the roster. Trading for Romo was a great move, especially when you take into account that his horrible, game-costing brain farts week after week don't translate to his fantasy value. Unfortunately the RB situation is thin at best, despite some promising pieces. The same goes for the WR talent. TE is in decent shape, but I'm not sure Michael Vick has ever met Brent Celek. This team is still a couple years away. The 'Tangs may be able to speed that process up if Henne can build on his Week 1 and become trade bait for a team like the Brothers.

Projected Record: 4-9

Preseason Superlatives

Division MVP

Tom Brady

Tom Brady, Poop

It's hard to bet against a guy who threw for 517 yards and 4 TDs in Week 1.

Most Underrated

Maurice Jones-Drew

Maurice Jones-Drew, Refugees

I don't know whether it's the injury worry, or the fact that he has a McCown for a QB, but there's very little buzz this year for a guy that has been a top fantasy back for a few years now.

Most Overrated

Chad Ochocinco

Chad Ochocinco, Poop

A lot of hype coming into the year for No. 85, and after Week 1 it doesn't look warranted. Chad needs to learn the playbook quick.

Breakthrough Player

Kenny Britt

Kenny Britt, Llamas

As long as he doesn't get arrested or suspended (a huge IF), Britt joins the elite-level WRs this year.

All-Division Team

QBLuke McCown (JK LOL! It's Tom Brady)Poop
RBChris JohnsonRefugees
WRAndre JohnsonLlamas
WRGreg JenningsPoop
WRKenny BrittLlamas
TEJermichael FinleyPoop
KRob BironasPoop
UTHakeem NicksRefugees