Around the League in 918 Words or Less

Bobby Sansone, Senior Writer

October 26, 2007

Commissioner Kinsman Remains Unphased by Low Voter Turn-out

Despite an unusually low number of votes in the weekly polls this year, Commissioner Jon Kinsman remains vigilant and is denying reports that interest in the league is fading. While 2006 poll participation averaged nearly 13 votes per week, 2007 averages have dipped to an alarmingly low 7.7 votes per week. The Commissioner is toying with the idea of giving creative control to his brother Mike which would make for some interesting poll questions.

Testaverde, Hillard set to file Age Discrimination Law Suit against YFFL Owners

Vinny Testaverde
Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bag of bones?

Owners beware: You could be violating age discrimination laws by not signing some of the league's "elderly". The YFFL's general lack of interest in veterans has been exceptionally evident this year as owners have been reluctant to sign players like Morten Andersen, Vinny Testaverde, Ike Hilliard and John Carney. "I'm on pace for 1,000 yards receiving and who does [Brian] Davidson go and sign? Lance 'Freaking' Moore? Who is Lance Moore anyway? Does he even have 10 yards receiving? This is clearly age discrimination and we will not tolerate this," remarked Ike Hilliard to reporters on Wednesday. Meanwhile, Commissioner Kinsman says the issue will be taken very seriously but refused to comment any further as advised by the league's attorney Warren Turner.

Chris Davidson Denies Purchasing HGH in 2000

A bomb shell was dropped out of the Commissioner's office last week when the league said it was investigating reports that veteran owner Chris Davidson purchased $400 of the Human Growth Hormone in August of 2000. Boston Herald reporter Michael Holley alleges that Davidson was looking to gain an advantage while struggling to find a job as a Physical Education teacher after graduating college. Davidson is denying the reports but long-time friend Scott "Mold" Bridges recently confessed that he had taken HGH from 1995-2002 and sold the drug to a "desperate" Davidson the summer of 2000. Commission Kinsman is waiting for the investigation to complete before making a ruling on Chris' future in the YFFL.

Tom Brady could outscore Defending Super Bowl Champions

With 174 points through seven weeks of play, Tom Brady has nearly matched the season points total of the Cuban Refugees, who have scored just 193 points. If Brady finishes the season with more points than the Refugees, Aceto and the Refugees will be penalized for being so horrible and will be forced to give Maurice Jones-Drew to Brian.

Meanwhile, the Thugs have only gotten 16 points out of the QB position all year which is beyond fathomable. Why is nobody talking about this? Think about it. They've thrown 2 TD passes all year! If the Thugs QBs do not break the 50 point barrier they should be forced to surrender their 1st round draft pick.

The League's Best Rivalry That No One Is Acknowledging

Tom Brady
He's fathered an illegitimate kid and shot photo spreads with goats - now all Tom Brady needs is a YFFL MVP trophy

I love this Llamas/Bear rivalry that will certainly be the best story heading into the second half of the season. Kevin, the white-collar working, Yankee loving, married-his-one-and-only girlfriend good guy vs Brian, the blue-collar working, Red Sox loving, league's most eligible bachelor bad guy. These guys secretly despise each other and have dropped several hints over the past few years spanning two different fantasy league forums. At least they both drive Hondas.

After an 0-3 start the %)*# have come on strong behind your 2007 MVP Tom Brady and Most Improved player Ronnie Brown. Kevin certainly can't be feeling too good about consecutive losses either. Andre Johnson couldn't return soon enough with two of my cast-offs in Lee Evans and Donald Driver underproducing. Bear is flawed too though and Bri is probably regretting using all three of his transactions in the first week of the season. Without a back-up kicker or TE, look for Bri to pull of a couple of trades. With that said, I still think this is Bri's year. I think Bear is the early favorite to win the Super Bowl even without Ronnie Brown, but they'll certainly have to go through the Llamas once if not twice to get there.

Thugs-Merry Men Try to Re-live the Glory Days. Glory Does Not Ensue.

The names were certainly there in the box score in Culpepper, Alexander, Porter, Green and Akers but that was about the only link to one of the league's greatest rivalries this decade. The comeback attempt of these former stars was more of a train wreck than Britney Spears at the MTV Music Awards. Dugas has kept the Merry Men afloat the past couple of years but this team is starting to resemble the football equivalent of Pearl Jam's "Elderly Woman". While the Merry Men try to hang on to the glory days, the Thugs have taken a different route. They traded away Edgerrin James and attempted to trade away Ahman Green. Joey Galloway will be a sought-after player as the trading deadline approaches as will David Akers and Marc Bulger. The rebuilding process is in full swing and Schaub, Williams, Houshmenzadeh and Bowe will be the building blocks.

League Owners Concede Forum to Mike Kinsman

It's a good thing none of us fought for the North in the Civil War. Several owners have admitted that they are afraid to post anything in the forum for fear that Mike will hurt their feelings. Have the other owners waved the white flag and surrendered the forum to Mike Kinsman? Aceto and Dugas are two of the more silent owners this year but have avoided confronting the league's most outspoken owner.